Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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