quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
3pm strippers are depressing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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