Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
