She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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