guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
