I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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