Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
