I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize