hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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