mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
