gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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