i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
