So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His nipple licking is glorious
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