I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's blow job season.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
