i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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