You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
