so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
