dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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