i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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