There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
