This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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