We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
