nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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