And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She's JV to your varsity
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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