I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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