I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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