You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
