I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
