I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
