You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
