I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
