mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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