I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
