Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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