I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Randomize
