in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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