So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
