The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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