You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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