Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
