Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
50% drunk capacity currently
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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