but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
