The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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