new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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