I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize