I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
