I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
