No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
