you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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