paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
