I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
