Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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