I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
