what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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