Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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