Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
