Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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