she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
