i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
