Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
