I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
