Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
