Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
