i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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