His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
