Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
