hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
