whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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