I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
