Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize