A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
