i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
