Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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