she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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