There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
